Why I Hesitate to Leave the House

I have an incredible husband.

Contrary to my first opinion of him, he is very creative.

Almost...dare I say it....artistic.

He took this picture.

Need I say more?

He calls rugs, "floor blankets".
He is amazing at mixing cliches and says things like:
"We'll cross that bridge when we burn it."
And,
He unconsciously created an incredible mental image when he grafted "You're trying to get my goat" and "Get off my back" into,
"Get off my goat."

He melded "Don't boast" and "Don't toot your own horn" when he told Grant,
"Don't boast your toot."
Which being a male, also was applicable.

So, I am used to these kind of things.
I know, that if I send him out for ice cream, he is very likely to come home with 19 half gallons.
This my friends, is the honest truth, I am not exaggerating,
He is just rather incredible.

So....
because of this.....
I always hesitate just a little to leave home.
NOT because I don't trust him....
but because of that crazy creative streak.

I came home from harp last night pleased to see that the younger kids had been bathed.
I commented on their wet hair and Rowan replied,
"Yeah, Dad let us take a bath with Gypsy! He took pictures!"
This was a blow.
It never crossed my mind that Dave might be tempted to bathe children and puppy together.
I turned on the camera with trepidation.
It was all too true. There was Rowan in a washrag loincloth and his puppy. In the bathtub.
Dave told me the loincloth was not as much for modesty as to protect the goods from a hungry pup.   
When I questioned him on the wisdom of this arrangement, he brushed it off with a,
"Well I needed to do a flea shampoo...."
I walked away.

Really between my Jewish Mother and my Creative Husband,

I feel normal.

Really????

I'm a tired mom.
So when my four-year-old beckons with a bed she's prepared for me on the couch, I accept, gratefully.
And when she tucks me in and rubs my head till I fall asleep, I bless her devoutly.
So when I awake and find that the little louse lulled me to sleep only to carry out evil designs, I am shocked!
I am also shocked that several people came in, saw me, and took pictures of me in my degraded state. Shocked. Did you get that? Scandalized.

How she managed to get an eye patch around my head and a revolver in my hand is utterly beyond me.

It's a sad, sad, day when a tired mommy can't get a little rest without waking up a pirate.

Naughty!

Hmmmm........

I find it humorous that five days after I write a sentimental post about mom and Rowan, he took their intimacy to a new level.
He was missing for quite a while this morning and that usually means he's down at grandma's being fed cookies at 8 in the morning. So I called my mom and asked if she had seen him. She said no, but she'd been in the shower, and the back door had been locked.
Now locks mean little more than a challenge to Rowan as Dave found out several months ago, when he got out of the shower to find all means of covering himself gone.
I finally found a gleeful Rowan who told me that he had gone up to mom's house and found it locked. He came back to our house, found the key to her house and let himself in (did I mention he was armed with his rifle?). To his annoyance the bathroom door was locked so he just hid and waited for her... with his rifle. According to him, he watched her walk around in her towel until I called, then he beat it for the door when she went for the phone.
Mom was scandalized and I told her, "If you have any sense of privacy at your house, it's an illusion."
Rowan was thoroughly pleased with himself and told me with twinkly eyes, "Don't worry mommy, the towel covered most of her."
Really, there are some things I'd rather not know............