Last week there was this moment of thought that ran along the lines of, "I'm really getting this quiet thing. I think it's going to be much easier for me to talk less after this." Ahem.
I really don't think I've stopped talking for the past two days. I'm giving orders just to hear the sound of my voice. I'm singing, shouting, laughing because I can. I note the startled look in my children's eyes and realize the extremes they're dealing with. I haven't gotten all the talk out of me yet but everyone, including Dave, is sleeping. So I'm going to type it out.
Do you ever get a random mental picture of a person? When someone says their name an image is conjured? I do. When I saw Rachel of Frugal Mama on my blog I laughed because I have a funny mental picture of her husband. We went to highschool together. He drove a mustard colored volvo (cars aren't my forte, I might have slaughtered that). Anyway for a while one winter, his windshield wipers didn't work. So he drove to school in freezing temperatures admist thickly falling snow with his window down and his head sticking all the way out. I remember seeing him drive by and worrying that he was going to get too close to a stop sign or light post and end up with a concussion. So this is the mental image of him that always makes me laugh.
Then I started thinking about highschool superlatives and how it's possible that I'm the only one who lived up to mine. I was voted Worst Driver. Yes, I'm proud. Truly, I get into a car and my mind turns off. Maybe it's not deep enough for me, too rote, I don't know - but there it is. I've driven the wrong way down one ways more times than I care to admit. I've been pulled over more times than I can count (but never got a ticket!). But my incident in February tops them all because it was the most expensive.
I said I wasn't going to repeat this story but I'm in the mood. The night before we left for the beach I went to mock Friday school registration. I left registration my mind full of deep thoughts and drove toward the store. I vaguely realized that I was completely out of gas so I abstractedly pulled into the gas station and put in a couple gallons. It was dark, windy, very cold, and raining. I resumed my path to the store got off at the exit and my car died a violent death. Lurching, groaning, wheezing. I was at a very busy intersection and terrified. I got out of the car and ran leaving Dave a hilarious message on his phone. When he called me back a few minutes later he asked, "Where are you?" I replied quite honestly, "I'm in the bushes on 164th!" He came for me and we sat in Mom's car waiting for the tow truck. He probed, "Why would the van just die? What happened right before?" I replied, "I just got gas." Silence. "What kind of gas did you get?" "I got Chevron, the big green button." Ominous silence.
Apparantly I put diesel in our car and that's bad. But in all honesty, no one ever told me not to do that. Did you know? I suppose if Richard ever got a concussion from driving with his head out the window he would have said the same thing, "who knew that was a bad idea?"
Besides I have to live up to my title, I feel strongly about this. Mr. Will be President Someday is living on love in Nevada but I am still Worst Driver.
There, I'm talked out and can sleep in peace.
I really don't think I've stopped talking for the past two days. I'm giving orders just to hear the sound of my voice. I'm singing, shouting, laughing because I can. I note the startled look in my children's eyes and realize the extremes they're dealing with. I haven't gotten all the talk out of me yet but everyone, including Dave, is sleeping. So I'm going to type it out.
Do you ever get a random mental picture of a person? When someone says their name an image is conjured? I do. When I saw Rachel of Frugal Mama on my blog I laughed because I have a funny mental picture of her husband. We went to highschool together. He drove a mustard colored volvo (cars aren't my forte, I might have slaughtered that). Anyway for a while one winter, his windshield wipers didn't work. So he drove to school in freezing temperatures admist thickly falling snow with his window down and his head sticking all the way out. I remember seeing him drive by and worrying that he was going to get too close to a stop sign or light post and end up with a concussion. So this is the mental image of him that always makes me laugh.
Then I started thinking about highschool superlatives and how it's possible that I'm the only one who lived up to mine. I was voted Worst Driver. Yes, I'm proud. Truly, I get into a car and my mind turns off. Maybe it's not deep enough for me, too rote, I don't know - but there it is. I've driven the wrong way down one ways more times than I care to admit. I've been pulled over more times than I can count (but never got a ticket!). But my incident in February tops them all because it was the most expensive.
I said I wasn't going to repeat this story but I'm in the mood. The night before we left for the beach I went to mock Friday school registration. I left registration my mind full of deep thoughts and drove toward the store. I vaguely realized that I was completely out of gas so I abstractedly pulled into the gas station and put in a couple gallons. It was dark, windy, very cold, and raining. I resumed my path to the store got off at the exit and my car died a violent death. Lurching, groaning, wheezing. I was at a very busy intersection and terrified. I got out of the car and ran leaving Dave a hilarious message on his phone. When he called me back a few minutes later he asked, "Where are you?" I replied quite honestly, "I'm in the bushes on 164th!" He came for me and we sat in Mom's car waiting for the tow truck. He probed, "Why would the van just die? What happened right before?" I replied, "I just got gas." Silence. "What kind of gas did you get?" "I got Chevron, the big green button." Ominous silence.
Apparantly I put diesel in our car and that's bad. But in all honesty, no one ever told me not to do that. Did you know? I suppose if Richard ever got a concussion from driving with his head out the window he would have said the same thing, "who knew that was a bad idea?"
Besides I have to live up to my title, I feel strongly about this. Mr. Will be President Someday is living on love in Nevada but I am still Worst Driver.
There, I'm talked out and can sleep in peace.
i've loved reading your blog, by the way. makes me feel better connected to you in between our visits. i couldn't help commenting on this post because i was laughing out loud as i read it. a certain camping trip in Homer, AK came to mind and getting "stuck" in the sand.
ReplyDeleteSo so sad and bubble-headed, the things I've put you through. But it wasn't just me, no one else thought of the emergancy break either! Remember when I was driving you and Traci to church and I prayed for our day - with my eyes closed!
ReplyDeleteAnd then there's MaGlo behind the wheel......could it be in the genes????
ReplyDeletePlease don't tell her I said that! Of course, I tease her about certain "episodes" all of the time.
LIKE THE TIME (thought you'd never ask) we were in PA and she was driving Grandma's van and was so close to a wall on the side of the road that we were all leaning in the opposite direction hoping that would give it a helping hand in tilting it away from a possible side swipe.
AND THEN THE TIME when she took the chrome strip off of our old 1956 Studebaker coming home from Sunday School. I was only 6 at the time and thought it was strange that she just kept going after hearing a big "CRUNCH" when turning on to a very narrow side street in A'town where a parked car just happened to be in her way!!! Thought Grandpa was going to have a heart attack when she arrived home with it in her hand!
I also seem to remember when she almost took us over a very STEEP hill in Valdez!!!
Grandma was no bargain either. Erin and Kerry will tell you how we went through the McDonalds drive-through the WRONG way and the little girl at the window was frantically waving. I seem to remember her yelling at them for changing the direction on her!
Of course.....it goes without saying that I'm no bargain either when it comes to "driver of the month"......maybe it is a "gene" thing!
Hugs,
Aunt Karen
Ahhh, more proof! Jews are excellent drivers.
ReplyDeleteI'm feeling pretty good about myself right now. I am a good driver. My problem is just getting lost....
ReplyDeleteMom and I got lost in Salem recently. Mother was frantically praying that the Lord would show us the way back to our motel. About that time we we're pulled over by a policeman who noticed I was slightly weaving(because I was lost and distracted by mom's fervent prayers). When he pulled us over mom said, "Thank you Lord for answering our prayers!" He kindly directed us back to our motel. I decided a road trip with mom was not in our future.
well annie...at least at that point you had learned how to put gas in a car. Something that is assumed to be known if you are to get behind the wheel. I have a great memory of feeling very very cool driving around in your mom's car until...we had to pull over and get gas and neither of us knew how. We had to ask for help. At least were were cute. (or at least we thought so - right?)
ReplyDelete