I sat alone in bed last night.
Dave was still downstairs and I had a moment of silence.
After a depressing day of disciplining bickering children, Dave and I proceeded to bicker for an hour before I went up to bed. Failure followed me up the stairs, it lurked behind me in the shadows of the hall. I could sense the tangible presence of evil in my bedroom as I sat there. My soul felt like an incline that Satan was scaling, an incline with too many toeholds, an easy conquer.
My body sat alert, rested, why did I feel so utterly exhausted? I had slept all day, why this lethargy of spirit? My soul was tired. For weeks I had been on guard, taunt and watching. Now, the company gone, the painful situations resolved, I collapsed internally.
I tried to pray and found my eyes roving the room, unsettled.
They landed on a picture entitled, "The Greatest Moments of a Girl's Life."
I was so blessed and delighted.
My eyes caressed the beautiful pictures that represented the "greatest moments." The engagement, the wedding day, the honeymoon, the baby's birth etc.
My smile broadened into laughter as I realized my "greatest moments" were very different from the ones represented in the picture.
The engagement was romantic, but it wasn't Dave I was engaged to first. And when that ring was ripped off my finger the loss made me howl with pain. As I writhed on the floor I said, "God, I'm going to keep trusting You even though I don't want to. I'm going to trust that You know what You're doing." And He did. That was a great moment.
The wedding day was wonderful, but more wonderful, was the moment Dave and I realized we were completely incapable of sacrificial love. We cried out to God to change our selfish hearts. We established a prayer time together. We asked God to teach us how to love like Jesus. And he began to, right then. That was a great moment.
I was amused when I looked at the picture again that the last "greatest moment" was the birth of the first child. Meaning, my great moments would have been over at the ripe old age of 25. Thankfully, I am still a growing girl, with lots of great moments before me, lots more opportunities for God to work.
The thought was vaseline to my soul and I felt the oppression slipping off me. Toeholds filled in with trust.
Yes, these weeks have been difficult, but really, they were full of great moments.
Maybe not quite as picturesque....but great nonetheless.