Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Greatest Moments of a Girl's Life

I sat alone in bed last night.
Dave was still downstairs and I had a moment of silence.
After a depressing day of disciplining bickering children, Dave and I proceeded to bicker for an hour before I went up to bed. Failure followed me up the stairs, it lurked behind me in the shadows of the hall. I could sense the tangible presence of evil in my bedroom as I sat there. My soul felt like an incline that Satan was scaling, an incline with too many toeholds, an easy conquer.
My body sat alert, rested, why did I feel so utterly exhausted? I had slept all day, why this lethargy of spirit? My soul was tired. For weeks I had been on guard, taunt and watching. Now, the company gone, the painful situations resolved, I collapsed internally.
I tried to pray and found my eyes roving the room, unsettled.
They landed on a picture entitled, "The Greatest Moments of a Girl's Life."

When Dave and I were on our honeymoon, I had seen this picture and loved it. It would have been awkward to travel with, so I just assumed I could get it later. Incorrect. I searched high and low for it and never could find it again. My loving husband never forgot how much I lamented not buying that picture and he kept his eyes open on ebay until it came up and he bought it. He gave it to me last week for our anniversary.
I was so blessed and delighted.
My eyes caressed the beautiful pictures that represented the "greatest moments." The engagement, the wedding day, the honeymoon, the baby's birth etc.
My smile broadened into laughter as I realized my "greatest moments" were very different from the ones represented in the picture.

The engagement was romantic, but it wasn't Dave I was engaged to first. And when that ring was ripped off my finger the loss made me howl with pain. As I writhed on the floor I said, "God, I'm going to keep trusting You even though I don't want to. I'm going to trust that You know what You're doing." And He did. That was a great moment.

The wedding day was wonderful, but more wonderful, was the moment Dave and I realized we were completely incapable of sacrificial love. We cried out to God to change our selfish hearts. We established a prayer time together. We asked God to teach us how to love like Jesus.  And he began to, right then. That was a great moment.

Having babies was delightful (I had epidurals mostly), but the moment the nurses told us that the 9 hour blood transfusion they were giving our four year old was his main hope, was much much greater. Dave and I locked eyes across the room, and in the heavy silence after the nurses left, said yes, yes God you can have Grant back if you like, he's Yours, Your will not ours. That was a great moment.
I was amused when I looked at the picture again that the last "greatest moment" was the birth of the first child. Meaning, my great moments would have been over at the ripe old age of 25. Thankfully, I am still a growing girl, with lots of great moments before me, lots more opportunities for God to work.
The thought was vaseline to my soul and I felt the oppression slipping off me. Toeholds filled in with trust.
Yes, these weeks have been difficult, but really, they were full of great moments.
Maybe not quite as picturesque....but great nonetheless.

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