A few weeks ago I wrote about the need for our children to see us fix our mistakes. Courageously, not shamefully. Training them to think about making it right, not about who's looking at us.
Well the analogy was of me parking badly and going back, putting it in reverse, and fixing it.
But all mistakes aren't simplistic. Some are really, really hard. Really, really, really, hard.
This past weekend we righted a mistake.
It was a mistake we made five years ago when I had a screaming 1 1/2 year old and a newborn and two school-age children that actually needed schooling and I sent my husband to have a surgery so that I would never have to deal with what I was dealing with again.
And that was that. Or so I thought.
But apparently God wasn't done with us. He kept prodding my heart, convicting me about my hasty, prayerless decision. I tried to appease the prodding. I told God I would use my writing for Him. He shut every writing door I tried to open. I told God I would use my voice for Him. He took my voice away, over and over again. My dancing? Nope. Everything I tried to put on the alter was rejected and finally I asked the question I had been dreading. God, want do you want from me?
The answer was Everything.
And I knew what that meant.
So I brought it to my husband. He said adamantly "NO." And several other words that weren't very kind. I felt relieved. I thought, well, I did my best! I certainly can't force him to get a gruelling 3 hour surgery. Oh well! Months passed.
Then God said "pray." I prayed. Then He said "fast." And on the day He said "fast" Dave came home from work and handed me a sticky-note that said "June 1."
He had called and made the appointment and PAID for it so that he couldn't back out. I laughed giddy disbelief, tears rolled down my cheeks. We were going to put the car in reverse.
Dave is healing now. Healing from a gruelling 3 1/2 hour surgery. But his face is radiating joy. Or maybe his face is reflecting my joy. There is such relief in obedience.
We went from hesitant half-hearted obedience to joyful faith-filled following. The miracle has been the transformation in our hearts. We wanted life our way on our terms and now more than anything we want it His way, no matter what that way looks like.
Maybe our faces are reflecting His joy.