Wednesday, January 16, 2013

When Words Fail

I wake up to an alarm and the only thought in my brain is this,
The treadmill and devotions beckon,
beckon me right to the head of a waterfall.
I know that when I get out of bed, step into the current,
I'll be a goner, whisked over the precipice of responsibilities and stuff.
My thoughts border on rebellion and then,
I feel a pair of arms, strong and loving, encircle me.
A whisper warm in my ear, "Oh God thank you for my faithful wife."
He prays over my day then, prays God's blessing and strength.
I get out of bed and blink back the tears,
a different waterfall than the one I was anticipating.

I have no words to thank him. No words to define the life he speaks into me.

So I make him eggs for breakfast. Even though I only made the kids oatmeal and I don't really have time to make eggs on piano day. And I serve them with a big smile.

Hours later, the treadmill's off but I'm still running.
All the kids are at the school table when I remember something I need upstairs.
I bolt and barely see my mom in the kitchen as I'm rushing past.
Barely, but I do see, and I slow.
She hunched over my sink, washing the dishes.
My family's dirty dishes.
She's doing my work without a word of complaint.
Mom, in all her generosity of spirit and grace, overwhelms me.

I have no words to say to her. No words thankful enough to utter my appreciation of her life and love and service.

So I listen to her talk about God TV and drinking lemon water to clean her kidneys and I read Bonhoeffer because she loves it. And I kiss her soft warm cheek.

At night, when the waterfall has dimmed to a faint roar and the current slows, I check my babies.
I pray blessings and peace over them, kiss soft warm cheeks, touch damp hair.

And once again, there are no words. There is nothing I can say to thank my God who has dealt so graciously with me, who has drawn my boundary lines so pleasantly. My Lord whose love is air and food and shelter all in one.

So I go to bed. In the morning I will get out of it with a heart of praise. I will seek His face before I do anything else. I will care for my husband. I will disciple my children. I will love my mom. I will seek to show, what I can't articulate, to everyone I come in contact with.
And I will do it with a big smile.
By His Grace.

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