Saturday, August 3, 2013

My thoughts in London at 4am

Half a world and half a lifetime away can't really be called a vacation.
It was a journey.
Dave and I took our four children back to where we met 19 years ago; Capernwray Bible College in England.

The goodness of God drenched this trip. His mercy brought some hard things in ourselves to light, things that obviously needed European exposure to be revealed. But we also saw some gifts with new eyes.

The second night in London I woke up at 1am, completely rested and ready to start the day. So did all the children. Jet lag. They all climbed in our bed and had yogurt and pretzels and cookies. We talked and laughed for two hours. After I re-tucked them in at 3am I laid awake thinking for another 2 hours.

This is what I thought.
When I was 19 I came to London utterly alone. Insecure. Unsure. Unloved.
Through amazing, devastating, miraculous circumstances God turned all that around.
Now, I didn't just go to Bible college and meet Dave. That would have been too easy. I met someone else who asked me to do life with him, who offered to fill the void of my soul. I said yes.
But God said no, He wanted that job.
And like Jacob, I wrestled determined.
God won.
"I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never turn away from me." (Jer. 32:40b)
God's continued to win in my life even though I often continued to wrestle.
Then slowly I learned that God's wins, were actually my wins also.
That the places of battle turned into fountains of blessing in my life.
Simplistic to write, but difficult to go through, and incredible to think about at 4am in London.

But the reality was that I came back to London 19 years later with a husband who absolutely loves me, children that love Jesus, and I am still growing and walking with the Lord. All this is absolute Grace. Undeserved. My life is not perfect, I have many glaring flaws, but God continues to engage me where I'm at. Incredible.

We were gone for over 3 weeks. We visited, London, Edinburgh, Scotland, the lake district (Capernwray), and New York. We have more stories and saw more sights than I could possible relay. They will come out slowly over the next weeks, winding their way through my thoughts and finding a destination here. But today, I just wanted to post a few pictures and say that God is good, and if you doubt that, tell Him. Wrestle it out with Him. He'll win, and what you thought was a vacation will turn into a life journey.



New York

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