Friday, June 10, 2011


"But as for me, I will always have hope;
I will praise you more and more.
My mouth will tell of your righteousness,
Of your salvation all day long,
though I know not its measure."
Psalm 71: 15
Rowan and Rose crawl aboard at early dawn. Rosy plants herself on top of me and Rowan spoons into my side. I hold them close, whisper love, whisper praise.
And I remember that two years ago this wouldn't have happened. They were squirmy, inarticulate babes who never snuggled long. My mind reclines further and I remember one baby laying in bed with me poking the watermelon sized Rose in my belly. We'd both laugh when her little foot would push back indignant. Oh the precious fragile years of babyhood!
Rowan has an uncanny way of studying my face and then asking a question that rips the veil off my thoughts.
He looks up at me, searching, catches the glimpse of nostalgia in my eyes,
The rain fell like time,
frenzied and quick,
His voice broke the silence,
a thousand years thick.
"If you could have a special magic wish mommy, would you wish for us to be babies again?"
I think hard and honestly and respond, "No."
He looks a little hurt, "But we were so cute!"
"Oh you were so cute! But...."
How do I explain it? How can I explain that if they stay babies they will miss so much.
Psalm 71 is entitled "A prayer for old age."
"Since my youth, O God, you have taught me,
and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds.
Even when I am old and gray,
do not forsake me, O God,
till I declare your power to the next generation,
your might to all who are to come."
And I answer, something like this, "Rowan God has great things to do in/with your life and Rosy's life. Hard things. Wonderful things. He has a whole beautiful life for you to live. There are people in this world who may never know about Jesus unless you tell them. It would be selfish of mommy to keep you from growing up in Jesus."
He nods acquiense and snuggles close. Rose entwines closer still.
I don't know the measure of God's salvation.
But I do know this,
It's much much more than any of us can fathom.
And the grace that saved us is the same grace that is there to help us every. single. day.
I want to stop thinking that I'm cute as a baby and grow up in Jesus.
There are people in this world who may never know about Jesus unless I tell them.
I desperately want a glimpse of measureless right now.

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